Youth in Revolt

Michael Cera stars in this romantic comedy as a shy, awkward boy trying to make it through high school.

I just wanna applaud Michael for really stepping out of his comfort zone on this one.

The man is a chameleon.

Anyway, this movie was pathetic.  I’ve laughed more during 3o minutes of QVC than I did during the two hours it took for this shit storm to end.  They tried to spice it up with an explosion halfway through the flick, but it would have taken another Hiroshima to save this film.

2 crooked penises out of 10

p.s. These were my feelings after paying to see Superbad for the 4th time under yet another name.

The Dreamers

Holden Caulfield moves to Paris and meets a pair of twins that love to I.T.S to classic films.

Save yourself some time and a headache and fast forward this bad boy to 39:48.  That’s when the first sex scene starts.

Better yet, save yourself 5 bucks and a trip to Blockbuster and google “Eva Green’s boobs”.  That’s about all this movie has going for it.

4 puffy nipples out of 10.

p.s. The parents find out.

Das Weisse Band (The White Ribbon)

Black and white, subtitled, nothing blows up.  At first I thought it was a “made for TV” movie for The History Channel.  Plus, I’m pretty sure the title is a euphemism for sanitary tissue, but I wouldn’t even wipe my ass with this German piece of garbage.

3 Sauerkraut Sammiches out of 10.

p.s. The kids did it.